I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i drank out of a bidet.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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