And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
