I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
