is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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