So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
