Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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