I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
