Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
