Quick, to the slutcave!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
