Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think a kid would responsible me up
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
