i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
