so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
