Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
where are my eyebrows?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
