Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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