Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
