whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
