you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
