Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
