Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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