Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
