I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
