yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
birth control should be required to get into college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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