So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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