So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
