Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
