Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
