What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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