so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
