dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
