all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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