You're my little dorito
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Houston, we have a blender
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
