u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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