Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
