I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
