So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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