i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
