apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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