A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
