so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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