i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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