Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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