Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
