I just saw a hot homeless man
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
