ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I smell stomach acid.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize