so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
