Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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