can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
