I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
