ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
two words: eviction party
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
