Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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