so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He felt like a one man threesome
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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