I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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