And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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