The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
