thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize