3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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