Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Randomize
