I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm passing your future prison.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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