All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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