i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
