Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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