What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
