Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize