I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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