oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize