i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
