and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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