please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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