capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
