I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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